As the pandemic continues, I continue to feel ignored. It is with distain I write this. The disappointment I feel towards society is growing vastly, like an unpleasant fungus ableism spreads across the globe. More of my immunocompromised comrades lost in the muck of miscommunications, and left to isolate. Fake news spreads like wildfire about the vaccine. Heartbroken, shook to my core, the site of things I sought to never see.
Whispers of lies, “the immunocompromised do not matter, they were bound for death anyways their death does not matter.” Words, whispered on lips of those whom pretend to care.
Being told to continue to isolate year after year, now it has been two years since I have seen a friend in person. The lack of human face-to-face interaction is changing me. Two years, what of my mental health? What of the health of others like me? The immunocompromised are not expendable, and I am tired of hearing, “they had pre-existing conditions and succumbed to Covid-19,” as the message sounds to be our deaths are to just be a casualty not spoken for during this war on a virus killing millions.
I feel as though I am disappearing, losing sight of the world outside my window. Housed in these walls with two windows to the outside world. I suffer silently no one to hear me scream, cry as I long for a visitor. Long for someone to tell me what I mean to them. Longing for things of the past which have been expunged by a virus. Disappearing into the depths of loneliness, dissolving in disappointment from the waves of selfishness in society. Drowning, choking on ableist words, being pushed into the ground, as the ableists rise on their soap boxes.
We matter, the immunocompromised matter! Our lives are not expendable because someone else thinks so. We all get sick at one point in our lives. Where is the compassion? Where is the hope? What is the lack of care towards others, because they are not directly impacted? I am lost in the mess of the world, the confusion, the misinformation is killing people like me. Make it stop! I don’t want to see more people die to something that is preventable. I am not expendable, even if someone thinks I am. I am human, I deserve to live life, and deserve to be free from the cage I am confined in because of the selfish-narcissism our society has become.
I am despondent, struggling with thoughts of hopelessness, but I refuse to just disappear. I will use my voice and my writing to continue to talk of the miss guided views and ableism which have been perpetuated by the pandemic. Immunocompromised does not mean my life is worthless or that I should just dissipate into the background. I have hopes, dreams and aspirations. I refused to lay down and die. This fight is not over and I refuse to give into the ableist rhetoric.