Writing Has Been A Challenge

Lately I have been stuck trying to write but something is getting in the way. Is it the brain fog, is it the exhaustion I am facing making a documentary? I feel a little stunted and I am not sure why. I have struggled to find words to write down for the purpose of short story writing with my twitch community and I am keep coming up empty handed. Writers block is a terribly frustrating mind set to be in.

During this time of not being able to come up with the words for shorts, or my documentary I have found myself in a place where I am actively listening more to others. I have discovered I want to work on rewiring my brain and perhaps through some brain training I will find my grove by also discover the possibilities within this project.

Perhaps there is this deterrent from writing because of the way I am feeling, I am writing this right now, but it is more about writing about not being able to write for the purpose of the documentary. This process of making my first documentary is teaching me how the writing process for it is vastly different then writing a short film script. When I sit down to write a script I plot out the whole story on what is called a beat sheet (a general outline of the film). I did a beat sheet for my documentary but I am finding that the story is changing. The initial points I wanted to discuss have reseeded into the distance and there are new stories emerging, this change means I must allow the film to take shape in the way it is meant to.

Documentaries change, we may have a plan but the film and its message may shift depending on what is filmed. Perhaps my writers block is because of my resistance to this process. I must allow myself to go with the flow of the film, allow it to carry me to the points I want to show and share that with the audience.

Nothing is built in a day especially in film. Film is a media that takes a long time because of the multiple shots and cuts. The amount of A roll and B roll that need to go and where they need to go, the organization of the media after it is shot. Not shooting shots in order is also affecting my brains organization, but as a gardener (a term in film for someone who doesn’t write in order) it does help me to pick out scenes I want in the film.

There is still much to learn and I aim to do my best for the this documentary and hope to continue to work in film as I am enjoying the process. While there are struggles with it, I wouldn’t change this opportunity for the world. I am grateful and blessed to be in this position and I do hope to bring awareness and hope to others. Life with illness is a chance to live life, there are things to learn and explore and illness can refine us if we let it.

Thank you for being here, I haven’t posted in a while I get lost in working on many projects and find I have much on the go. I will do my best to write when I can.

If you haven’t done so please come on over to youtube and check out my videos on there.



Published by Ari Villain

Artist and writer. Living with chronic illness and writing about it. I have survived two cancers, I live with hyperadrenergic postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, ehlers-danlos syndrome, mast cell activation syndrome, jaundice, esophagus dysmotility, Chilblains, Raynaud's, migraines, asthma, and more. I have mental health problems which I am not ashamed of, I have CPTSD, anxiety, and depression. My medical history is extensive, but I will continue moving forward. I have hope to help others not feel isolated alone, and forgotten by an ableist society.

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