When I wrote in my journal when I was younger, I would note the song I was listening to. Did anyone else do that? In journals, I would write down the music I was listening to, so if I looked back on that moment in time by reading it, I would know how I was feeling by listening to it.
I miss those posts or feel like I’m writing in a journal. When you think about it, blogs are like a journal for others to read. Now whether the people in my life that are close to me read my writing is a whole other story. I know a few do, and I appreciate you taking the time to read what I write, being introverted makes it easier for me to write things down than say them out loud. Which sometimes makes me feel like not good at my writing which creates that little whisper of doubt. But I don’t want to let that stop me from doing something I enjoy. So I will keep doing this blog and try to upload it when I can.
I have talked a bit about living while being stuck inside most of the time. And cosplaying was something I used to enjoy when I was able to be out more. I got depressed and stopped cosplaying; I stopped streaming and making content. I want to do more to help myself to get to a better state of mind; cosplaying and live streaming enabled me to do that.
Cosplaying isn’t about escaping who I am; it’s emulating characters that evoke emotion and terrify people; they make people happy, bring them joy, and laugh. Having that capacity within myself to make myself a living art piece of someone else’s creation feels cool. I may not be able to go to conventions and hang out in big crowds, but I can Cosplay from home.
While many can mill about the outside world, the growing fear of things outside my home lingers within me. Fear of what waits outside drives me into anxious thoughts, and the fear of leaving home maskless is something I can not fathom for myself now.
I decided to do a cosplay every day for Horror Month/Halloween month this year. I am streaming every day on Twitch this month and am so excited for the release of Scorn, a horror FPS inspired by an artist I love, H.R. Giger; the game comes out on the 14th, and I am streaming it on Twitch.
I may be bubbled and have not had a friend visit me inside my bubble for almost three years, but I am doing what I can with what I have. I have a community that supports me and is there for me. They do not judge me for being sick; I appreciate them because they are like family to me. I will continue to cosplay and continue to play games to keep myself connected to others. The internet is truly a blessing.
My name on Twitch and youtube is VillainAri; this is because many times, people who are disabled or chronically ill are villainized in media. For example, if we look at the cinema, it is usually someone with some disability that is the murderous killer in horror. Even in the superhero genre, we see characters who are missing something in the realms of abled-bodied people that becomes jealous and thus turns into a villain. As an advocate and activist against ableism, I have also been villainized for this, making people look at society’s wrongs and uncomfortable. I wanted to explain the meaning behind my name. Some people have believed VillainAri is my name because of the horror genre, but in fact, is because of the villainization of the other. For context, othering is when people treat people as though they are alien, and as disabled and chronically ill people, we are often othered.
Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that joy finds you in an unexpected way. Please note I am a mature content channel 18+ as I sometimes play scary games; I play Overwatch or Fortnite. https://www.twitch.tv/villainari
2 thoughts on “Living In the Bubble; Cosplay and Streaming”
Very well said about the othering of disabled people or even anything that represents disability, for example just recently I was watching a streamer play a horror game, and there was a wheelchair that would sometimes move on its own, the streamer said “Wheelchairs always freak me out!” then went on about how creepy wheelchairs are, this is just one example out of trillions! Anyway I’m proud to be a member of your amazing community and proud of all the hard work you put into advocacy and activism! #Fiend For Life
Thank you so much Nomi it means so much to me that you are a part of my community and that you take time to read my writing. That comment bothers me, that comment is ableist about the “wheelchairs always freak me out” odd how much ableism is everywhere. We are in 2022, why do people still perpetuate the ableist narrative. That is my two cents on that. I appreciate you being here; sorry I didn’t see this until now.