It Has Been Rough

I am working towards my goals, some dreams and some of the things in between. But it is rough. When you have ambition and drive deep in your being but a body that does not work nor listen it creates roadblocks and bumps a long the way.

I want to post on here more then I do, but my health does seem to dictate when I can write. I have been longing to sit down and write for a while, but the brain fog is creating blockages within the confines of my mine and I struggle to get out the words to write.

I sit here waiting for my online therapy appointment to start and remember how much harder things were last year at this time. My mental health took a dive, I was struggling to survive and yet, I am here I made it through. Things may be tough and challenging, but I am still doing the best I can to carry through. Diseases cause a pathway of distain, but can lead us to a new us and a place in which we belong.

I stopped live streaming on twitch for a long time, mostly due to the coivd19 pandemic and being frustrated, my mental health went south and my health followed suit. However, while doing nothing I realized I was making myself more sad, more depressed because my only outlets as an immunocompromised student, artist and cosplayer is the internet. The only way for me to connect with others is to be active on social media.

While I find social media draining there is also a peace and comfort I get from talking with like minded people and to me that is what makes social media click for me. It is what inspires me to continue talking, continue writing, and continue to stream on twitch and YouTube. While I feel sick, and am sick and am not doing well, doing things that bring me joy help me to cope with my mental health. When I sit around and simply watch TV I feel non existent, and I get depressed.

I want to connect with others, inspire others to keep living the lives they are capable of. When we are sick out lives are different to that of the normies, and our joys maybe more simplistic, this doesn’t make us invalid. It makes us human. We all have a life worth living.

I hope to post on here when I am able, and would like to be more frequent, for now if you do not see me on here, come on over and check out my other content. I draw creepy things live on twitch, I stream video games from time to time on youtube and twitch. And I am working towards my goals, perhaps at a snails pace but I am working towards things.

I hope to see you soon!

Feel free to check out my other links here

Published by Ari Villain

Artist and writer. Living with chronic illness and writing about it. I have survived two cancers, I live with hyperadrenergic postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, ehlers-danlos syndrome, mast cell activation syndrome, jaundice, esophagus dysmotility, Chilblains, Raynaud's, migraines, asthma, and more. I have mental health problems which I am not ashamed of, I have CPTSD, anxiety, and depression. My medical history is extensive, but I will continue moving forward. I have hope to help others not feel isolated alone, and forgotten by an ableist society.

2 thoughts on “It Has Been Rough

    1. Thank you so much. I am doing my best to keep moving forward, somedays are for sure easier then others. Having support and an outlet for my frustrations has helped immensely. I am grateful to have a blog to express myself on.

      Liked by 1 person

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